Friendships may last a lifetime and some do. Of them how many of them are authentic and true? Like any relationship in life true friendships are formed based on trust and mutual respect for each other. Once doubt or suspicion gets in the way the bond gets broken permanently. So how are friendships formed in the first place? We meet someone at a meeting, we get introduced by someone, it could be a colleague or it could be a tourist or in some cases it may be a friend of a friend who may become our true friend. Our best friend may or may not be our true friend. Best friends forever ( BFF ) may be just a title and is bestowed upon to just one person. This is common in high schools but it may stay that way for life in some cases or it may just last for that academic year. We never know who may cross our path and stay that course with us, sometimes for life . Life is full of surprises and friendship is no exception. A friendly hug, kind words and to be accepted for who we are, all that anyone needs. To start off we are all social beings who are wired to communicate with each other and to love each other as friends. But True friends are very few and far in between.
Friendship is a give and take relationship. It’s a two way street. It’s also an equal partnership which is 50-50. It need to be 50-50 for it to work smoothly like a well oiled machine. Sacrifices and sworn secrecy is a major part of it. It’s also a commitment of time and energy. Money may wreck havoc in such a relationship. So it is highly advisable to stay away from that topic as far as possible. Once this gets in, friendship is out. This is reality. Helping each other out and watching each others back is part of the deal and helping each other out in times of need does also contribute very much in nurturing that relationship. This applies to either parties both in good times and bad.
Now lets turn our attention to what the characteristics are which makes a true friendship stay TRUE:
- Staying Honest and trustworthy, ACCEPTS us for who we are
- Integrity and sharing experiences
- Sacrificing for each other and comfortable with each other
- Watching each other back
- Helping each other no matter what circumstances they are in
- Standing behind them and standing up for them
- Truthful at all times, saying what is on our mind.
- Straight forward and upfront
- Secrets stays a secret between them
- Emotional and moral support
Now that we have analyzed the good, lets turn our focus on what creates a toxic friendship:
- Dishonest and self centered
- Broken trust, egoistic, jealous, hateful
- Superficial friendship and Back stabbing
- Running the other way when asked for help
- Secrets don’t stay a secret anymore
- Lied to
- No emotional and no moral support
- Being selfish
- Not contributing to the relationship through sacrifice of time and energy
- Doubtful and suspicious
The above is only a short list. You may add your own points to this list.
In Real life, Not everyone is going to be our friend. Some may like us, some will hate us and some will not even come close to us. Others will be just passes by. This is like when we are in the airport waiting to board a plane. Some may approach us to start a conversation than just waiting in the lounge doing nothing. While others may pass us by giving a smile, while others may just sit there watching others. This is life. We cannot satisfy everyone and no one can satisfy us. We need to take life as it comes. We are not put on this Planet to please anyone.When it’s time to go all we may have are our memories and nothing else. In the journey of life, people may get on in our life at one station, many may get off when their station arrives. As the train moves on, some will become our neighbors by sitting next to us, some will be standing near us for a few minutes ride and then move on to the next compartment to find a seat. So in this constant and dynamic commotion of life there is a constant turn over. So how do we find a friend who is true to himself or herself and to ourselves? This is in reality one in 7 Billion. Anyone could be our friend, but to find a friend who is true is like finding a gem in the rough : Uncut, pure and sparkling inside.
So who is a true friend and how would you find that jewel out of 7 Billion people. There are no guarantees in life.If it was meant to happen, it will happen. When we are young, naive and stupid, we looked upon to many people and considered everyone as our friend. As we grow up and pass through different stages of life we get beaten, cursed at, back stabbed, cheated, abused and hated. Now that we have learned a very valuable lesson, We have learned not to trust everyone. Now that we have gotten street smart we start cherry picking our true friends based on our past real life experiences. We have learned not to fall for sweet talk, flattery or superficial charm. We have also learned a lot during this journey. We are also very proud to own the battle scars on our backs to prove our past. This does not mean that we need to prove it to anyone of our past encounters but it is there to remind ourselves. This does remind us of the true past each time we look at ourselves in the mirror. Our past experiences in life does make us much stronger. Each time we fall down, those flash backs will help us pick ourselves up, brush off the dirt and help us to keep moving forward without ever giving up. Failure is NOT and option.
The gem in the rough who is in reality our true friend will be our personal guide who will take us through life by making it a little easier for us to travel. They will help ease our hiccups. They may not be good looking, rich, influential, or a person in the spotlight. As a true friend, He or she may be very simple, live a frugal lifestyle or may even be poor. They do not have to be any of these to be our friend nor do they need to be rich, powerful or influential. They just need to be our friend and A TRUE ONE. We cannot judge a book by its cover. In short a true friend is a true friend in all aspects. They will help us by holding our hands and taking us from Point A to Point B to meet our life goals, ambitions and to our destination. They will be with us no matter what and we can count on them. We will also be doing the same for them no matter what. This is true friendship and this is the type of friendship that will stay it’s course throughout life. In this World, at a time when people have millions of virtual friends and having no one to turn to at times of need, a TRUE friend will stand our for us and stay apart from the rest shining like a gem in the rough from inside out. This is indeed TRUE friendship at its best one could wish for. Now we can proudly say that : HE or SHE is my TRUE FRIEND.